There are many funny ways to say you are going to the bathroom, depending on the context, the audience, and the level of humor you want to convey. But first, why do you need clever expressions for normal bodily functions?
Why You Need Funny Ways to Say You Are Going to The Bathroom
Weirdly, we’ve come up with witty euphemisms to go to the toilet, but some situations call for it. Sometimes, we have to maintain a certain level of etiquette. Say you’re having dinner with friends and suddenly need to pee.
In this case, it’d be in poor taste to say exactly why you’re leaving the table — people are eating for Chrissake. Whatever the reason, using humor effectively conveys what may otherwise come across as crude or vulgar.
Here are some creative and funny ways to say you are going to the bathroom without mentioning the unpleasant details of, you know, going to the bathroom.
READ ALSO: Arms Too Short To Wipe? Here’s What To Do
I’m Going to Tickle My Winkle
If you ever find yourself in a situation where you need a polite and funny way to say you want to use the bathroom, you can say ‘I’m going to tickle my winkle.‘
It’s funny because it almost sounds juvenile, which will have everyone in the room rolling on the floor.
I Feel a Wizz Coming
‘I feel a Wizz coming’ is another phrase you may use to make light of your need to go to the bathroom.
It comes from the sound of urine hitting the toilet bowl or urinal. It is also a pun on the word ‘whiz’, which means to move quickly or to be very clever.
Going to See A Man About A Horse
‘Going to see a man about a horse’ is a polite, courteous, and funny euphemism for leaving the room, especially to use the toilet.
You can replace the word ‘horse’ with any other noun for a deeper comedic effect, like dog, plumbing, taco, etc. — without losing the original meaning.
I Gotta Make Room for Lunch
A variation of the phrase ‘I need to make room for dessert’ is another funny way of saying you need to go to the bathroom.
It implies that you need to empty your stomach to make space for more food.
It is also a humorous way of saying that you ate too much or that your food did not agree with you.
I’m Going to My Second Office
The phrase ‘I’m going to my second office’ is also commonly used to say you must go to the bathroom in the United States.
It’s a clever euphemism that equates your bathroom business to actual work.
Work is usually done at the office; by that logic, your bathroom becomes the second office.
I’m Going to Powder My Nose
When it comes to funny ways to say you are going to the bathroom, this one is a classic.
Dating back to the 18th century, this phrase is commonly used by women who want to excuse themselves from a social situation without being too explicit about their intentions.
I’m Going to Go Sit on The Throne
‘I’m Going to Go Sit on The Throne’ is the perfect way to discreetly inform your friends of your whereabouts when nature calls.
It’s a funny metaphor for pooping. It implies that you are going to sit on the toilet, which is often compared to a royal seat in jest.
I Need to Take My Food for A Walk
‘I need to take my food for a walk’ is another hilarious euphemism for excusing yourself from a social situation to go to the bathroom.
This phrase implies that you need to take your food out of your body, just like taking a dog out for a walk.
I Feel Like A Crap Burrito Is Coming
It may be a little too vivid for some, but saying ‘I feel like a crap burrito is coming’ is a funny and creative way of communicating your need to use the bathroom.
It implies that you are feeling sick or uncomfortable and need to defecate.
I Need to Take the Browns to The Super Bowl ‘
‘I need to take the Browns to the Super Bowl’ is another hilarious expression for going to the toilet. It suggests that you’re going to the bathroom for a bowel movement.
‘Brown’ and ‘super bowl’ are euphemisms for poop and the toilet bowl respectively in this context.
Gotta Throw My Cookies Out
Saying ‘I gotta throw my cookies out’ is a light way of telling someone you want to excuse yourself for visiting the bathroom.
This expression implies that you’re going for number two, so use it in the right context to avoid awkward situations.
I Have an Important Call on The Big White Telephone
If you look closely, you’ll notice that the toilet looks like one of those old-timey telephones you see in old movies.
Saying, ‘ I have an important call on the big white telephone’ is a witty and creative way to excuse yourself to use the bathroom in a social situation.
I’m Going to Plant A Tree Real Quick – Don’t Wait Up
Last but not least, you can also say, ‘I’m going to plant a tree real quick,’ followed by, ‘Don’t wait up’, implying you’ll take your sweet time in the bathroom.
This expression is very informal; only use it in the company of close friends.
Excuse Yourself for Nature Calls with Confidence!
There are many polite ways to excuse yourself for a call of nature; these are just some funny ways to say you are going to the bathroom.
You can use these expressions as a joke or to be funny with your friends or in any social setting with native speakers.
Always remember to be respectful and appropriate for the situation.
Wayne J. is a writer and editor for Mybeautifulhaven.com. He is happy to put in the time and effort to conduct thorough market research to identify common issues faced by households concerning their plumbing systems and other household fixtures. His passion is to help you solve the most pressing issues you are facing in your home and recommend the best products available on the market.